Online dating has completely changed how we meet people nowadays, but for many, one challenge remains the same: knowing what to talk about at the right time. So, starting a conversation with someone you are attracted to can be awkward, especially when you only have a few photos and a short bio to work with.
Whether your aim is for something casual and fun or something serious, starting the right conversation can be the difference between a ghosted message and a real connection. In this guide, I will walk you through exactly what to talk about on dating apps, how to keep things flowing, and how to avoid the dreaded one-word replies.
Online Dating: What To Talk About
The first thing to understand about online dating conversations is that you do not need to be perfect, just being authentic enough at first. Many people overthink their messages, worrying about saying the “right” thing. Remember, the first goal is not to impress, it is to establish some form of connection. So, what should you talk about at first to build that connection?
Begin with what is in their dating profile
Everyone has a reason, motivation, or purpose for using a dating app, and usually, 95% of users will spell that out in their profiles. Some will go as far as writing their hobbies and expectations. This is your cheat sheet. You want to begin a conversation by starting with something specific they have written, whether it’s a travel destination, a favorite show, or a dog in their photos. For example:
“You’ve been to Iceland? I’ve always wanted to see the Northern Lights. Any tips?”
“That food pic in your profile made me hungry. What was that dish?”
Use shared interests
Since most dating apps show common interests (music, movies, books), so, it will be to your advantage to mention them to establish some form of chemistry, as these are used to build up conversations that are low-pressure and engaging. People like being seen and appreciated for their interests. It sets a fun, easygoing tone and invites creativity.
“Wait, you like indian films too? Got a favorite?”
“You said you love hiking, got a favorite trail near the city?”
Don’t begin a conversation with “Hey” or “How are you?”
These openers have been overused and rarely spark real conversation. Remember, your first message is usually your chance to stand out, and no, “Hey” doesn’t count. A good opener shows that you’ve paid attention, that you are thoughtful, that you have got the time, and that you are genuinely interested in them, and not just their profile picture. So, if you ever consider using them sometimes, they should not be used at the beginning of your talking stages. They can be used occasionally and only when both of you have established some real connections. In the meantime, ask questions that invite a longer response. It is the best way to go about establishing some real connections.
Match the tone
Begin by studying their profile. If their profile is playful, then add a joke a little and add a sense of humor to your conversation. If their profile suggests that they are deep or serious, then you must lean into thoughtful topics. Mirroring tone shows attentiveness.
“Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?”
“If we had a cooking contest, what’s your signature dish, and would I survive it?”
Show curiosity
People love talking about themselves when it feels genuine and when they are comfortable. Being curious (without interrogating) makes you memorable. Avoid being generic. Avoid copy-paste lines. Even a little effort makes a huge difference.
Again, these early conversations do not have to be life-changing. Just make it easy for them to keep engaging by playing with this idea.
What to Talk About After the First Few Messages
Now that you’ve made it past the first message exchange, congratulations! Now comes the part where many conversations fizzle out often. In this step, you will need to step out of the normal course of polite conversation to open up a dialogue for something more personal. The key to keeping momentum is to gradually shift from surface-level topics to more personal and engaging ones, without diving too deep too fast.
So, once the conversation feels comfortable and the vibes are right, consider it the best time to shift into deeper waters. These stages will help you get past the usual dating app chatter and tap into values, passions, and emotional depth, the stuff that real compatibility is built on. You need to understand that it is when our conversation turns to serious and personal matters that the other person is challenged to explore something personal as well.
Here’s how to keep the conversation flowing naturally:
Ask About Their Day-to-Day Life
It’s simple, but it builds familiarity and shows you care.
“What’s a typical day like for you?”
“Do you like what you do for work?”
“Where do you see yourself in five years and not just work-wise, but in life?”
Remember, these small glimpses can create space for stories and help you picture them in real life.
Explore Shared Passions
If you’ve touched on music, travel, food, or hobbies, go deeper.
“So you mentioned you love sushi, ever tried making it at home?”
“What’s one concert you’d go back in time to see live?”
“What’s more important to you, adventure or stability?”
“What does a meaningful relationship look like to you?
Don’t forget, Mutual interests are the backbone of connection. Keep digging.
Use “This or That” to Keep It Lively
This keeps the energy up and adds a little flirtatious tension:
“Mountains or beaches?”
“Early riser or night owl?”
“Stay in or go out on a Friday night?”
“How do you usually show someone you care?”
These also reveal lifestyle compatibility in subtle ways.
Avoid Dead-Ends
Watch for questions that lead nowhere, like:
“How was your day?” (Overused and easy to answer with “fine”)
Instead, rephrase to:
“What was the highlight of your day so far?”
“Anything random or funny happen today?”
“What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?”
The idea here is to create space for storytelling, humor, and vulnerability, without rushing or interrogating. Understand that it’s not just about asking deep questions. It’s about listening well and responding with equal vulnerability.
Flirty, Funny, and Light Topics That Will Keep the Conversation Going
Not every conversation needs to be profound, especially later on. Flirting and humor are powerful tools in online dating because they build chemistry, show off personality, and make you memorable.
Here’s how to keep things fun without veering into cheesy or cringey territory:
Use Playful Questions to Create Fun Tension
“What’s your most harmless red flag?”
“On a scale from ‘I love to cuddle’ to ‘don’t touch me,’ where do you fall?”
“You can only eat one food for the rest of your life—what is it, and why is it tacos?”
These invite personal quirks and light teasing, perfect for flirtation.
Turn Everyday Topics Into Laughs
Sometimes it’s not the topic, but how you talk about it.
“Is cereal a soup? Defend your answer.”
“If we were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you bring?”
“What’s your most unpopular food opinion?”
This sparks fun debates and avoids dry small talk.
Flirty Scenarios (With a Wink)
These keep the tone romantic without being over-the-top:
“You can plan our first date, surprise me. What are we doing?”
“Truth: Would I be the type of person your parents warn you about?”
“If we were in a rom-com, how would our meet-cute go?”
GIFs, Emojis, and Voice Notes (Optional Bonus Moves)
If the dating app allows it, as most apps do not allow it, sprinkle in some personality with voice messages or a well-timed meme. Just don’t overdo it, use them to enhance the conversation, not replace it.
Remember, confidence and curiosity beat pickup lines every time. Flirty doesn’t mean forward; it means fun, thoughtful, and a little bold.
How to Talk About Values, Boundaries, and Dealbreakers
Once a conversation starts to feel natural, and there’s mutual interest, it’s important to gently introduce the “real talk”, the stuff that determines whether you are truly compatible in the long run. Being upfront and tailoring your topics to what you want helps you attract the right people and avoid confusion and waste of time, energy, and resources, and ultimately avoid regrets.
This doesn’t mean you need to lay out your five-year plan on day three, but clear, respectful communication about what matters to you helps avoid misunderstandings later.
If you are looking for Something Casual
Keep things light, fun, and pressure-free. Focus on:
Shared interests and spontaneous plans
Flirty banter and humorous “getting to know you” questions
Keeping talks open-ended rather than diving into heavy topics early on
Example:
“I love that you are spontaneous. What’s the most fun last-minute thing you’ve done?”
This signals openness without commitment stress.
If You are Seeking a Serious Relationship
Be ready to discuss values, life goals, and compatibility earlier. Topics include:
Long-term ambitions and relationship expectations
Dealbreakers and boundaries
Family, lifestyle preferences, and communication styles
Example:
“What does a healthy relationship look like to you?”
This helps both parties evaluate fit early on.
If You are Unsure or Just Exploring
Be honest about being open but uncertain, because many people appreciate transparency. So, keep questions broad and self-exploratory:
“What do you enjoy most about dating right now?”
“What’s something you’re hoping to find here?”
This invites a low-pressure vibe and encourages mutual honesty.
Ease Into the Conversation
Start with softer questions before getting to the big stuff:
“What’s something that matters to you in a relationship?”
“Are you more spontaneous or more of a planner?”
“What does your ideal weekend look like?”
These may seem casual, but can reveal core values like lifestyle, priorities, or love languages.
Be Honest About Your Intentions
Especially if you are looking for something specific (like a long-term relationship), it’s okay to say that.
“Just curious, are you looking for something more serious or just seeing what’s out there?”
“I’m not necessary in a haste for anything, but I do eventually want something meaningful. Where’s your head at?”
Being honest doesn’t make you “intense,” it makes you intentional.
Talk About Dealbreakers Without Making It a Test
This can be done lightheartedly but firmly.
“What’s one thing you can’t compromise on in a relationship?”
“Pet peeves: loud chewing or being chronically late?”
“Could you date someone who doesn’t want kids? Just curious.”
This opens the door for both of you to share and learn if your needs align.
Respect Their Boundaries, Too
Not everyone is ready to dive into heavy topics right away and that’s okay. If someone deflects or gives a vague response, do not persuade them or add pressure. Just circle back when the time feels right. This could mean that they are having a bad day or feeling.
If you communicate your values early and clearly, you’ll save yourself (and them) time, energy, and potential heartbreak later.
Always communicate your dating goals clearly and kindly. It’s better to be upfront than leave room for mixed signals.
Dating Questions for Anyone—Not Just ‘Him’ or ‘Her’
Online dating is for everyone, regardless of age, class, gender identity, or orientation. Using inclusive language and asking questions that work for any person not only shows respect but also broadens your chances of a meaningful connection.
Here’s how to keep your conversations welcoming and universal:
Use Gender-Neutral Language
Instead of assuming pronouns or gender roles, use open terms like:
“What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?”
“Tell me about a trip that changed your perspective.”
Ask Questions That Focus on Personality and Values
These work for all identities:
“What’s something you are passionate about?”
“How do you like to recharge after a busy week?”
“What’s a cause or issue that matters deeply to you?”
Avoid Stereotypes
Don’t assume preferences or behaviors based on gender. For example, avoid:
“Do you like sports or shopping?”
Instead, opt for:
“What hobbies or activities energize you?”
Respect Pronouns and Preferred Names
If the app allows it, check their pronouns or ask politely if you’re unsure. This builds trust and comfort early on. Inclusivity in your questions makes your profile and messages more attractive and welcoming to a wider range of people, plus, it sets a positive tone from the start.
Frequently Asked Questions About Online Dating Conversations
What if they don’t respond right away?
Be patient. People have busy lives. Avoid double-texting or sending pushy follow-ups. If they’re interested, they’ll get back to you.
How do I keep the conversation from getting boring?
Ask open-ended questions, share stories, and use humor. Avoid yes/no questions. Mix light topics with deeper ones gradually.
What if I’m nervous or awkward?
That’s normal! Be yourself and focus on being curious rather than perfect. Most people appreciate honesty and authenticity.
Should I talk about past relationships?
Not early on. Wait until you build trust and the topic naturally arises. Focus on getting to know who they are now.
How do I know if they’re genuinely interested?
They ask questions back, respond thoughtfully, and keep the conversation going. If you are always the one initiating, they might not be as invested.
What if I want to end the conversation politely?
Thank them for their time and be honest but kind. For example, “It was great chatting, but I don’t feel we’re the right match. Wishing you all the best!”
Online dating is a skill like any other; practice helps you get better and more confident over time.
Key Pointers to Remember for Successful Online Dating Conversations
Before we wrap up, here are some essential tips to keep your online dating conversations smooth, enjoyable, and meaningful:
Be Genuine
People can always tell when you are being authentic. S9o, don’t overthink or try to be someone you are not. It is not the best approach and will lead to regret. Be yourself!
Listen Actively
Show interest by responding thoughtfully to what they share, not just waiting for your turn to talk. When you listen to understand, you will be able to understand the other’s point and view and this will help you provide the right answers,
Balance Questions and Sharing
Don’t make the chat an interview. Share your own stories and opinions to create a two-way connection. You want to keep it real, then make the conversation engaging and let the other person feel you are emotionally aware. This way, the chat does not become boring and unintresting.
Mind Your Tone
Text can be easily misunderstood, even with the right intent. Use emojis, GIFs, or humor to convey warmth and friendliness.
Be Patient
Not every conversation will lead to a date, and that’s okay. So, focus on enjoying the process, not just the outcome. This is the right way to go about it. Understand that when the chemistry is there, then the ultimate results becomes achievable.
Respect Boundaries
If someone seems hesitant or uninterested in certain topics, gracefully change gears. This will make them comfortable at first and will ultimately build trust. People want to know that you are respectful and willing to respect boundaries. This will takeaway any form of suspicions they may have had in the beginning.
End on a Positive Note
Whether the chat fizzles or you want to move to a date, leave things kind and respectful. You never know what will happen in the future, and if you two may eventually meet again. So, be kind and respectful, the world is a small place.
Final Thought
Online dating conversations are your first chance to build chemistry and trust; treat them like a fun, low-pressure way to discover someone new. When you have successfully build the chemistry, it because easy to now discuss the real reason why you are there in the first place. This is the right method that will give you the desired result. Research and feedback shows that this method is the best and very easy to follow. Stick to it and you will be glad you did.